Recouvering...Mentally

So San Francisco has come and gone and I guess the good thing is I'm still here and still kicking. The didn't go as planned and it's something I'm going to have to accept and deal with. In 15 years of swimming and about 30 triathlons over the past three years I can't say I've ever had a race quite like this one.
After our swim warm up we were all put in a holding tank where we waited for about 10minutes. It was quite cold, the water temperature was only 58 degrees and it was the only day that we were there was wasn't sunny and there was a fine mist coming down. It was really one of my first races where I had no idea what to expect. The top 5 guys get an introduction and their World Ranking and just returning from the Olympics in Beijing...I think at that moment I was like OMG what am I getting myself into. They moved us down onto the starting dock and it was going to be the first time that I do a dive entry in a triathlon. I think I was so used to at the start of the swim being able to swim without anyone right on top of you...well not the case with time. There was 37 other guys who were all bigger than me and seemed just as fast! I was able to pull up a little big from the group but knew there was someone on my right and a bunch of guys right on my feet. I lead the first 500m and then someone came up beside me and tried going around. We swam side by side for the rest of the first lap and then going around the buoy he cut inside of me and he did a breast stroke kick I guess to get around it and I took it in my side. It took the wind out of me for a second and he pulled away and two other guys tried going around me. Now I was back in about fourth or fifth and not where I wanted to be. I swam really hard and passed a couple of them pack but the first place guy had a good 10-15m lead on everyone else. The rest of the second lap I swam in second with a guy right beside me. I got out on the pontoon dock and right away felt sick. I exited the water with about 6-7 guys within about 5seconds behind me and then there was about a 20-30second gap before the next group. Everything though just seemed to go down hill even more as I got out of the water. Running to my bike I got the top part of my wetsuit off but as I got to my bike I struggled getting it the rest of the way off(I knew I shouldn't of used my new wetsuit for the first time at this race). The group of guys that I came out with had taken off. I stumbled getting onto my bike as the toe of my shoe got caught on the ground. I tried catching that lead group through the first half of the lap but they were all working together and I just couldn't. The rush of getting out of transition now I think had worn off and I could feel my stomach and it wasn't happy. I think from getting kick I felt sick and the next group of about 10 guys went flying by me and I pushed hard to catch one of there wheels but I was only able to stay there for a few minutes . I biked the rest of the first lab and half of the second lap by myself and after feeling part of my breakfast coming up I made one of the hardest decisions to pull out.
I've never been faced with that decision before and it was really hard to handle. I got my stuff back in transition and after a minute of whipping the tears away I went to catch a cab and get out of there. I was very upset at myself and had very mixed feelings. I had that split second of not wanting to do this anymore and then I turned my anger to how am I going to come back from this. The next morning I got up early and went for a 75minute run on the treadmill in the hotel and killed myself....the whole time planning on how to come back strong and what I'm going to do over the next little while. I had told myself before the race that if I had a good race I was going to take a week or so off and do nothing but I'm not doing that now and I'm right back into it. I'm going to be training harder than ever this winter and hopefully get a running partner to push me on at least one of my run every week. I'm going to be doing a big swimming phase over the next little while also as I will be going to a swim meet in December where I can win some money. Also this winter one of my goals is to beat my 1500m personal best time that I swam when I was 15 years old and at the time was good enough to rank me number one in Canada. I can close when I swam for the university a couple years ago and only missed it but less than 2 seconds but this year I'm going to prove it to myself that I can still do it and I'm getting faster.
I got a lot of good pictures from San Francisco and will post those later and will talk about the fun I had while visiting San Francisco like going to Alcatraz!! That was sooo cool!